That which does not serve campfire

A week ago, I built myself a campfire. As the sun sank into darkness and the moon glowed above, I watched the colors of Kali Ma. The black charred base of the wood (that which is to be destroyed) the red flame (that which is to create) and the white sparks and ash (that which is to be preserved). I sat in silence for a long time. I meditated. Then, when the time felt right, I took the pages from my notebook that I had written. Pages filled with black-ink writing about all that does not serve me. Those things that grew upon me as a result of external forces, and those things which I created myself. Pages and pages. A lifetime of resentment, holding back, not good enough, “you make your bed you sleep in it,” stubbornness, singing the songs of others rather than writing my own. I wondered where my old self went. I used to be so confident in my abilities, my professional expertise, my creativity, but somewhere along the line I started to hold back. I began to defer to others more and more until I felt as though I had no more to contribute. I had lost my voice All of this, in writing. In the black mask of Kali Ma. I took those pages and I tossed them into the fire. Afterwards I sat for a long time. I talked to Kali Ma, to my guides, to my late husband, to my higher self and I raised a nice glass of rose’ as a toast to getting rid of that which does not serve me.
Since then I have felt a certain peace. My husband was a complicated soul. Since last weekend, I have been able to proceed with sorting his vast library of books and music, not with resentment, but with kindness and appreciation of his love of learning.
I am now moving on to red. I’ve filled my fountain pen with red ink called “Dragon’s Napal” and am writing about that which empowers. That which I am to create. When I am ready, I’ll build another campfire, and raise another glass.

So beautiful and moving. I witness you, Sister.

So I have completed the honoring of the red face of Kalima. My pages filled with red ink, writing about that which empowers me. Writing about creating and how I feel so alive when I am in the midst of creating something whether it be a piece of writing, gardening, quilting, making a good meal, beadwork, singing... whatever I do in the day that involves tapping into my creative spirit. I wrote and wrote about this aspect of myself. I do have a strong artistic side to me. When I was done, I did not toss it into the campfire as I did the previous pages. Instead I felt compelled to plant it in the ground as I planted a new flower/herb garden in my back yard. It just felt right to plant that one instead of burning it. Now on to the white face of Kali ma.